It's That Day Again

Hello Internet!

As I'm writing this it is 22:55 on the 17th of September, 2015. 

I don't think I'm going to be getting a whole lot of sleep tonight. 

Why? Because tomorrow is the day that I dread all year. 

Tomorrow, 18 September 2015, is the 7th anniversary of my dad's death. 

I lost my dad when I was 15 years old.

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. 

You might be wondering what caused me to lose my dad at such a young age so here's a little back story:

I was born in June of 1993, to Julie and William. 

Unfortunately, at the time, Julie and William were unable to care for me properly so I became a ward of the State of Illinois. 

Due to the circumstances, my little sister and I grew up living with our Grandparents, Judie and Ritchie. And after a long wait and struggle, Judie and Ritchie adopted both Shannon and me. 

With the adoption, my Grandma and Grandpa became my Mom and Dad. 

(So when I say dad, I'm referring to my biological Grandpa)

On the day that Shannon and I were adopted, we had to take my Dad to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing. He was diagnosed with Emphysema. 

Emphysema is a lung disease, that falls under COPD. It is the gradual deterioration of the alveoli (air sacks) of your lungs that causes you to have a difficult time breathing. 

Over the years, my dad went from being short of breath sometimes to being on an oxygen tank constantly, as well as being bed-ridden. With all of this, and his old age, his health slowly started to go down hill. 

In the Summer of 2008, my dad was rushed to the hospital. 

He wasn't allowed to come home.
From the hospital, he was transported to a nursing home, and bounced back and forth from nursing home to hospital until he passed away. 

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Losing a loved one, especially a parent, is never easy, no matter what age you are. 

The night before my dad passed away I couldn't sleep.

I was up crying all night with a sinking feeling in my chest. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. 

I think the reason why I couldn't sleep and had those feelings was because I was so unbelievably close to my dad. And I think that's why I can't sleep in the days leading up to the anniversary either. 

As much as I try, I can't avoid the pain of remembering what I've lost. My subconscious makes sure of that. In the days leading up to the anniversary, I become very irritable and on edge, very emotional, so emotional I could start crying if you smiled at me wrong, and I, also, become very tired.

I'm not sure why this all happens or why it only happens on the days leading up to the anniversary and not on the actual day. 

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Rest In So Much Peace, Papa. 

 I took this photo in the Spring/Summer of '08 

I was standing behind my mom while she was talking

to my dad and snapped this without him knowing.